If you are serious about understanding the roadmap of your martial journey, then, this blog post is for you. But, first, answer this question, which of these two statements do you agree with?

  • Parental consent is very necessary for marriage
  • Parents can choose who you should marry
  • Without parental consent, marriage should not take place.
  • Your choice of partner is subject to your parents’ approval.


If you agree with the first two, I can assure you that this blog post is exclusively for you. If you approve the second two, this blog post is still for you. So, let’s talk here.


• THE ROLE OF PARENTAL APPROVAL


First, it is true that your parents have a significant role to play in your marital journey, but, there is a thin line between involvement and interference or control. So, the first and best angle to examine this is in light of God’s Word. I know you will agree with me that any tradition or culture that does not line up with God’s Word is invalid. Do you know that people use Isaac’s story in the Bible as a foundation to establish that parents must choose who you are to marry. Yes, the Isaac story is in the Bible, but, there is a drawback to that. This is it. Sometimes in scripture, some stories are just a part of the history not necessarily a principle. For instance, Sarah gave Abraham her maid Hagar to sleep with, now, see it, just because it was written in the Bible does not mean it is right nor is it an approved action for us to follow. Now, look at Jacob, Isaac’s son, he chose a wife for himself. If it was a principle, it would not even be debatable; Isaac would have been the one to choose a wife for Jacob. So, what are we saying and establishing? We can agree that the word of God is a strong factor, but, you need to be discerning enough to understand it.
• YOUR ROLE IN THE MARITAL CHOICE
Now, consider this next point. One fact is that, if you are old enough to marry, you should be old enough to choose who you want to marry. It’s as simple as eating the slice of bread. It is a sign of maturity, emotional, financial, physical and spiritual maturity. There is just a need to create a balance when trying to obey your parents, because, the Bible says you must obey your parents in the Lord. See, your parents are not responsible for you as a grown up child. Your parents cannot make decisions for you right up till the time they die. There must be a point where they let you grow so you can make choices for yourself. That, after all, is what determine that you are an adult. In fact, one thing is that, parents’ duties are limited. Their major role is to train you up as a child in the way you should go and when you grow, the Bible says you will not depart from it. If a parent is beginning to control an adult child, I know you will agree with me that, that, is a strong suggestion that the parents didn’t play their roles when they should (before the child grows). Now, when it comes to marital issue, that is a strong indication that, such parents were not part of the child’s childhood.

• THE NECCESSARY ROLE TO TAKE.


If your parents say No, definitely, the next question you need to ask them is the “Why” question. Why are they saying No? If they have a legitimate reason, then it makes sense to heed to them or to take their advice but if they are not persuasive reasons, like if they say the reason they don’t want you to marry that person is because he’s from so and so tribe, or because he’s not tall enough or she’s too fat, those things are not what determines the true character of a person. Every society has their own witches and wizards. It’s not a person’s tribe that determines whether a person is good or not. There are failed marriages from every lineage but when it is a strong justification like if the person doesn’t know the Lord and is probably fetish or is a man and he doesn’t have a job or is known to be involved in deceitful practices. Then it makes sense to heed their advice. You cannot say your parents must agree because they might not and your parents are not God they can make mistakes.
But, there is a way out.


• THE WAYOUT


If your parents keep saying No. Take this approach. First, you need to Realize that God might be using them as a warning sign. So go and do a reassessment of your choice. Go and pray again, think about it very well, check your heart, do you have peace about your decision? If you have doubts in your heart at all, then don’t go ahead with it because many marital disasters have been averted by parents but if you think you have made the right decision then you can also talk to your pastor about it or any other significant other, but, if everyone keeps saying no, then, hold on. Check. You may be wrong.
WAIT!!!!.
Calm down. You will be fine. It’s just a phase. It will be over. I know it can be all overwhelming, the demands and stress that comes with coping with parental consent can be draining. I am encouraging you. God is for you. Everything will be fine. Just take a deep breathe, ask God for wisdom and trust him for guidance.

Shalom.

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