Will you please tell me about your last relationship?
If I am not intruding your privacy, I will like to ask, do you guys still talk?
It’s over now.
Yes. I agree with you. It was painful, but, I agree more with you that it is necessary you diagnose the relationship. What did you miss? How did you get it wrong? What could you have done better? Let us summarize it this way, how do you navigate the dating world? Plus, why should you create boundaries in dating. Moreso, how can you create boundaries in dating?
First, to have a sincere answer to these questions, you need to know these secrets:
- Your purpose for dating
- Your ideal spouse
- Know your limits
- Recognize disrespect
- Set the right boundaries
YOUR PURPOSE OF DATING
This, among other things is the most important consideration you should take note of when you step into the dating world. Your “why.” See, dating is never meant to to cure loneliness. The truth is not only children or teenagers feel loneliness, you may be an adult and be lonely. You know what we are talking about here. You can be among a lot of loving people, and still feel lonely. You can have have romantiy feelings for the opposite sex, yes, it is a good thing to have romantic feelings, in fact, acknowledge them. Romantic feelings are part of the good things of life, but, watch out! They can disguise deep loneliness and confuse how you pick people in the dating world. This is why it is very necessary for you to take time in your dating relationships. Time helps you to clarify the difference between your need to overcome loneliness and your disposition to true love. A major sign that can help you recognize the difference between your need and true love is your pace in the relationship. If you move too quick to avoid loneliness or any kind of inner hurt, the relationship will end up burning you out or become too shallow. I know you have one or two experiences to confirm this pattern. The best thing is just to discover your “why” before moving into the dating world.
YOUR IDEAL SPOUSE
Let’s have more serious talks. Who are you trying to pick as your ideal spouse? Feel free. Think about it. What is your obvious consideration of a partner? Go ahead. Be comfortable to imagine your speculations of your ideal spouse. Now, pause. Beware! Take care. Opposites attract! If you are an introvert, believe this truth, you will fall in love with an extrovert. Just consider any pattern of your character, you will fall in love with a person that has the direct opposite. You see, the exact problem is not in falling in love with someone who is opposite to you. You may appreciate the completion, but, you run the risk of simply needing that person for those functions alone. If you are an introvert dating an extrovert, there is a high chance that you will begin to love your extrovert partner because he/she helps you in social situations. As long as you see it in this manner, you are using your partner to cover up for your weakness rather than making your partner useful in overcoming your weakness. Do you get the point? You attraction to anyone should have solid foundation to your values rather than a compensation to your weakness. Take this as a rule of thumb. Never pretend in your relationship, be honest, not just with your past, but, with your personality. The truth is whoever is yours in the dating world, is yours.
KNOW YOUR LIMITS
Yes, know your limits. Then, set your boundaries. You may not understand your limits until you examine your past relationships without bias. Search for the dating patterns in your past relationships that destroyed every of your relationship. Don’t think about your ex for now. Examine yourself. Are you always dependent on relationships? Do you always push blame? That is it. You need to examine your faults before you consider that of your ex partner. In the dating world, not all flags you see are red! The major thing is to consider the flag you can cope with in marriage and the ones you can’t live with in marriage. If there are light matters, such as disorganization, sleeping too much or eating too much, you can place them in the yellow category and explain to your partner the reason why he/she must adjust on these parameters. However, issues that deal with honesty, cheating, respect, empathy should not be seen as yellow flags. They are pure red flags. Stop! Yes, no human is perfect and it is impossible to have the “perfect” relationship, but, you know the flip side of the coin? You decide and choose your preferences. No one chooses for you. This blog post can only suggest. It is your duty to choose what you can live with it without in marriage before you say “yes, I do” at the altar.
This point is so important and you need to give your full attention here. Either in or outside dating relationships, be the first to recognize any form of disrespect towards you. Words or deed, disrespect should be unacceptable to you and you should refute it immediately. You are dating someone and this person doesn’t acknowledge your values, your decisions or your boundaries, my dear reader, that is the perfect beginning of disrespect. You tell your partner issues that hurts your feelings and he or she take it as a joke, just know that that is a form of disrespect. Love may blind you to it, but, a spade is a spade even if you are blind to it. (Apologies). Disrespect may not always deal with the other partner, you may be the one disrespecting your partner. You need to remove the log in your eyes before removing the spec in your partner’s eyes. If you don’t respect and esteem your partner’s thoughts, feelings and choices, you are also disrespecting your partner. You can disrespect your partner by dominating, manipulating, withdrawing or through direct violation of your partner’s boundaries. Respect does not mean you agree with them or you comply with what they want every time, it means that you acknowledge that their feelings matter, because those feelings belong to someone that matter. Dear reader, read that again.
SET THE RIGHT BOUNDARIES
Your commitment to reading this blog post amazes me. Stay calm. You will soon be thorough learning these strategies. In the dating world, never, ever, forget to set the right boundaries, not just physical boundaries, but, let us start with physical boundaries, First, answer this question in the most sincere way, don’t you think love is a disease? Yes, it is not a typographical error. The feeling of falling in love is so intense that it can blind fold you. It starts from you beginning to believe that your partner is perfect, you see the admiration and such strong feelings to the extent that you become blind to Tori partner’s weakness and become “tender” to your own values. If you hold the value of abstinence from sex before marriage, the love disease can shake you and move you to sex before marriage. Well, the temptation gets worse if you are totally without boundaries. This is the absolute way in the dating world. You need to choose someone that can delay sexual gratification. Boundaries with sec are a sure way to know if someone loves you for you. Apart from physical boundaries, practice safe dating. Date alone, but don’t date as a lonely person. Don’t let anything confuse you. Stay calm. You can date alone, but, not as a lonely person. Don’t let your relationship kidnap you from your support system. Set appropriate boundary. So, because you are in a relationship, you decide to block all your friends. You even ignore your parents. Dear reader, do you get the gist?
Let us conclude.
This is the best litmus test to do in the world of dating. Ask yourself. Is my relationship growing me up? Your dating life should be a powerful change agent for you. Is it acting like one? Is it bringing you closer to God? Plus, are you enjoying the ride? If you can answer these questions with all honesty, congratulations to you. Do you know why I am saying congratulations? An honest answer to these questions will help you avoid the bad ones in the dating world. Not just that, if you don’t pick the best ones, it is certain that you have the resources to make the good ones you pick better.
See you in the comment section. Shalom.