Which of these statements do you agree with?

• Conflict-free marriage is the primary foundation for a sweet marriage.
• Marriage will not always be a bed of roses.
• Divorce depends on both couple.
• The couple decide howvsweer or bitter their marriage will be.

If you agree with the first two statements, it is necessary you read this blog post. That apart, if you agree with the second two, you need to read every word in this blog post. Whatever statement you approve, this blog post is for you.

Let me open the veil for you. The truth remains the same. Marriage will not always be sweet. There will be days and times that your marriage will go through stages of winter (detachment and negativity), spring (tender and nurturing), summer (trust and comfort) and fall (neglect and uncertainty). The trick is for you to know the strategies that can move you from one season to another or that can improve you in a particular season of your marriage. It all boils down to understanding these four strategies.

• Dealing With Past Failures.
• Developing Empathetic Listening.
• Maximizing Your Differences.
• Implementing The Power of Positive Influence.

DEALING WITH PAST FAILURES.

Do you know that marital issues you don’t discuss will keep popping up? Don’t divide your attention here. In marriage, imperfect couples perform perfect mistakes. Mistakes prove that we are all humans that are not perfect. The problem with mistakes is that they are capable of destroying marriage. The solution is to deal with failures from the past. This is the trick. Dealing with past failures involves three steps. First, identifying past failures, confession, repentance and forgiveness. If you are going to deal with past failure in your marriage, you must first identify them and be willing to accept responsibility for your own wrongful behaviour. This will serve as the solid foundation for you and your spouse to experience genuine confession, repentance and forgiveness. This is the strategy behind it. Forgiveness makes possible the restoration of your marital relationship.

DEVELOPING EMPATHETIC LISTENING.

Do you ever think of how easy it is to talk, but difficult to listen? Sometimes, all you need to do to save your marriage is a shift from egocentric listening (viewing the conversation through your eyes) to empathetic listening (viewing the conversation through your spouse’s eyes). Give your full attention here. The primary goal of empathetic listening is to see the world from your spouse’s perspective and understand what he or she is experiencing inside, both perceptions and feelings. This is the way it works. Empathetic listeners approach every conversation with the attitude of trying to understand the other person and here is why that is important to do. Empathetic listening helps you to withhold judgement on your spouse’s ideas. This is the bottom line for empathetic listening strategy in marriage. You need to affirm your spouse even if you disagree with his or her ideas. The essence of empathetic listening is that you share your ideas only after you understand your spouse’s idea.

MAXIMIZING YOUR DIFFERENCES.

How many times do you hear people say you cannot be the same with your spouse in every area? There will always be a difference. Here is the big strategy. The solution is for you to maximize those differences for the good of your marriage. Although it is not always difficult to identify your differences, the trick is to look for assets in your differences. Don’t divide your attention here. Most of the differences that irritates you in marriage will not always involve immorality. Almost all the differences are simply expressions of our unique design and there is always a positive side to our uniqueness. The simple solution is for you to find assets in these differences, learn from the differences and discover a plan for maximizing your differences.

IMPLEMENTING THE POWER OF POSITIVE INFLUENCE.

What comes to your mind when you hear the words positive influence? I am sure you are with me on this. Although you may not be able to change your spouse’s behaviour, you can influence him or her either in a or negative way, by word or by deed. Every time you encounter your spouse, you exact a subtle influence on him or her. The unbeatable truth is that everything you do or say (or you don’t do or say) influence your spouse for the better or for worse. Your words and behaviours can either cause tremendous pain, hurt and discouragement or be a soothing balm that influences your spouse in the powerful direction of positive change. The first step in implementing positive change is to recognize and acknowledge that you have a choice. You don’t have to allow your emotions or your spouse’s provocations to control you. You can choose a different response. Even if the biggest obstacle in your marriage is your past behaviour and attitudes, you don’t have to stay there. Just because you make your bed does not mean you have to lie in it. You can choose to get up and make a positive investment in your marriage.

So, what is the essence of everything?

Marriage is not always a bed of roses. There will be days you will wonder if your spouse is the right one for you, and this is where people run into trouble by giving up on their marriage.

So, what is the solution?

The solution is for you to implement these four strategies in no particular order, into your marriage and watch your marriage blossom. I wish you a marriage of heaven on earth. Please feel free to drop your comments.